Our trip to Cameroon has been a loooooong time coming. More so for Wil than for me. In the approx. 20 years that he has been away from Cameroon, he has only been back twice. He has been fortunate to see his biological mother, Elisabeth, several times when she has traveled to the states, and his siblings who live in France. We have talked about visiting shortly after we got engaged, but life happened and other things took priority. Wil has an enormous family still in Cameroon, but he only stays in touch with his mother, aunt and cousin. They are the reason behind our visit.
Wil has always shared, especially more so once I had the chance to travel to Africa, how Cameroon is 20 years behind countries like Morocco, Ghana and South Africa. Hearing that made it hard for me to picture exactly what he meant. Especially considering how much the aforementioned countries have developed over the past few decades. Upon arrival, though it was clear what he meant. While the airport is modernised, the city of Douala has not changed. The buildings and roads were as he left them almost 2 decades ago. Some buildings have changed paint colour or an old shop’s location has been replaced by a new one.
Before going to Cameroon I was anxious. I was anxious because I do not have a relationship with his family there. Neither side has ever really tried to connect with the other other than through Wil. I was nervous because it’s hard me to view his mom as a mother. She’s a complete departure of what I consider a mother to be, so I had put her in a box labeled as someone who is self-serving and too concerned about external validation to live her own life. I think because I put her in this box, I had decided that I understood who she was and would leave it at that. This trip was transformational for me because I was able to see Elisabeth in her environment and gain more perspective on who she is and why. It forced me to question and change the unfair and short-sighted box I had put her in. I can’t say that we are now going to become fast friends or begin communicating, but what I can say is that I have respect for who she is and empathy for the struggle I think that most of us face … the dance of caring about what people say and wanting to live life on your own terms.
Tuesday 15 October
We took a direct evening flight with A Sky airlines from Lagos and arrived in Douala about 1.5hrs later. Arriving in the Douala airport was a pleasant surprise, as it is cleaner and newer than the Lagos airport. We were very well received by Wil’s family. His mother Elisabeth, cousins Ines and Lily and aunts Chantal and Jeanette were there to welcome us as we left the airport. From there we headed Elisabeth’s home for a family dinner of our favourite Cameroonian foods: DG, ndolé, plantains, miondo (Wil’s fav). #delish
Wednesday 16 October
Today we spent the day hanging out with Elisabeth and Ines. Part of our trip to Cameroon was entered around visiting Bafang, the village/small city, where Wil’s parents and grandparents are from. To get there we would be renting a car and driver, so we spent some time in the afternoon meeting with the driver and checking out the type of car we would need for the trip.
Thursday 17 October
We left in the AM to begin our 4hr car ride to Bafang. My self, Wil, Elisabeth and Ines made the trip. For our night in Bafang we would be staying in the home of Wil’s maternal grandparents. When we arrived we had to wait for a key to be delivered to open the gate. At the same time, my body decided to go haywire with what can only be described as travellers diarrhea. 😅 Praise be there was a hotel next door with a public bathroom, and praise be I always carry hand wipes with me. Because there is nothing worse than being sick on the toilet and the bathroom doesn’t have toilet paper. 😱 Too much info?!?! If this hasn’t happened to you, you haven’t lived. LOL
After a few bouts of being sick, I was able to get some medicine and relax. Once I was feeling better, Elisabeth took us to where her parents and other family members are buried on the property. I was able to meet Wil’s maternal grandparents, Mami “Tré” and Papa “Jo”. At their gravesites Elisabeth introduced us and said a prayer. Wil’s grandfather had 4 wives, 3 of which have passed. The youngest one is still alive and still lives on the property.
After meeting his grandparents, we went across the street to explore the boarding school Wil spent a year at when he was a child. The school brought back lots of memories for him … the priest at the school transformed the way he thought about what he could achieve vs the perception of success in his family. According to Wil, it was this priests advice that allowed him to believe that he could be successful in both academics and basketball.
For dinner that night we were invited to Wil’s paternal uncle’s home where I was able to meet Tonton Victor and Tata Helen. I had a great time meeting them and was introduced to a FANTASTIC Cameroonian dish called kondre. It’s made with stewed beef and plantains. #DELISH and reason 1.25321 million why Cameroon has the best food.
Friday 18 October
This is a day I will never forget … not only for the journey there, but for the experience I had. Today we visited Babouantou where Wil’s father, Alphonse Tenawa Fameni, and his paternal grandparents Mami Vic and Papa Emmanuell are buried.
To get there we were joined by Tonton Victor and Tata Helen, Babouantou isn’t very far from Bafang, but in the rain on unpaved muddy winding roads it took us about an hour. When we finally arrived to the old family coffee plantation, it was a sight to behold. The area is lush, with rolling hills and green for as far as the eye can see. Although the plantation and old house haven’t been well maintained, the area is absolutely beautiful.
In the back of the main house, are 2 other buildings were the deceased are laid to rest. In each location a ceremony was performed for Alphonse and then for Wil’s grandparents. I found the process extremely personal and moving. It was as though we had direct access them, so when I spoke it felt as though they were there to hear me. Traditionally I know that I am now Bafang because I married Wil, but I have never considered myself a part of his culture because it has always seemed so foreign or illusive to me. During this ceremony, I think because of how it was structured and how I was introduced to his father and grandparents made it feel official. That now I am a member of this family and connected to Wil in a different and deeper way. It was beautiful and I am forever grateful for the experience.
From here we returned to Bafang, bid our farewells to Helen and Victor and began the journey back to Douala.
Saturday 19 October
Today we spent the day at Elisabeth’s with Ines and Tata Chantal. In the evening we went to visit Elisabeth’s cousin Tonton Marcel at his home in a neighbourhood called Bonapriso After spending time at his home, he invited us out to dinner.
Sunday 20 October
We spent the entire day at Elisabeth’s home, and had a visit from Wil’s parent’s cousin Tata Helen. She was kind and funny, but spoke mostly Fefe the dialect of Bafang, so Wil had to translate what she was saying.
Monday 21 October
Today we spent the morning souvenir shopping. Once of the places we stopped at was a tourist market called Marché Congo/des Fleurs. They sell similar items you might find in other markets across Africa with some Cameroonian specific items. We bought a few things for my grandparents, and headed out to grab lunch and visit Tata Chantal at her work. For lunch we went to de Grenier a delicious patisserie. From there we were able to walk to where Tata Chantal has her outdoor restaurant where she serves lunch to the people in the office building. Her work isn’t easy, but she has found a way to make a living for herself and her daughter. People also love her food! She was swamped.
Later that night we met Tata Evelyne and her husband Tonton Jean-Claude “JC”. Wil describes them as self-made. Apparently when they were younger the family had dismissed them. Dismissed in the sense that they weren’t going to be successful or make money, because when Evelyne married JC he wasn’t a “big man”. To everyone’s surprise, they were able to forge their own path without family support to create a comfortable life for themselves and their daughter. I think because they were industrious they have a different mind set from other family that stayed in Cameroon. They don’t expect anything to be given to them or for someone to take care of them. They were also very kind and welcoming to us. Before they left we made plans to join them for lunch at their restaurant for later in the week.
Tuesday 22 October
Back when we got married Elisabeth’s best friend Tata Solange was in the USA visiting her son in GA, so we invited her to our wedding and to stay with us for a few days to keep Elisabeth company. We didn’t know she was going to be a life send. She was so kind and helpful while she stayed with us. So we knew we had to see her when we were in Cameroon. Our visit to her home was lovely. ❤️ She treated us to fresh cake and we sat on her terrace overlooking her yard and caught up.
After visiting Tata Solange, we headed back into Douala to visit Tata Jeanette and her daughter Lily. We had a nice visit with them for a few hours. Tata Jeanette made the most delicious fish balls. Cameroon continues to serve the best food. It also helps that she used to own and operate a restaurant. 😉 This was our last time seeing Lily, as the next day she was headed back to Yaoundé, where she lives.
Wednesday 23 October
As we had scheduled, today we had lunch at Tata Evelyne’s restaurant. They had organised a feast for us! I wish I would have taken a picture, as everything was of course amazing. We had a fun time getting to know them better and talk about life and the dynamics in Cameroon around education and work opportunities for the youth. Ines will be finishing her Masters soon, and if we can we want to connect her to the right people to help get her a job.
After lunch we went back to the hotel to relax. Later that night we headed out with Ines to Elisabeth’s brother’s, Tonton Victor, home for a dinner with his family. We weren’t really excited about going to the late dinner because we were exhausted + there was some drama around Victor wanting to talk to Wil about something. 🤔 LOL In the end we showed up, and ended up having a great time. Tonton Victor’s wife, one of his sons and his wife and their little boy were in attendance with us. Regardless of the drama, that was never discussed, I enjoyed meeting more of his family. Now I can better connect the dots and have a better understanding of the different dynamics.
Thursday 24 October: relax day at Elisabeth’s + delicious dinner at Tata Chantal’s ❤️
Friday 25 October
For our last full day in Cameroon we spent it at Elizabeth’s home. Into the evening we had many visitors: Tata Jeanette + Pamela’s ex-boyfriend + Tata Helen’s sons. It was nice seeing everyone, but was a bit awkward when some people visited that Wil had never met or spoken to before … but when a family member hasn’t been back home for 10 years people are curious and come out to see for whatever reason.
Saturday 26 October
Although we have been here for nearly 2 weeks, time has flown by. This trip went better than I could have imagined. I am leaving with a better understanding of Wil’s beginning and of his family. I will remember the kindness I was shown and how welcome I felt in a new place with a language barrier. For the most part I was able to muddle my way through, but by day 6 my brain was done with French. LOL
When we first arrived we were able to spend time with Ines, but after we returned from Bafang she was completely engrossed in school and we would only see her in the evenings. I really enjoyed the time we had with her to talk about her studies and what she aspires to do. She’s a smart hard working young woman, and I look forward to seeing what she will accomplish. We will be back for her graduation in 2021! 🎓
The Great Migration 